That I’m a selfish brat towards Jordan. Whenever I feel like I’m not getting what I want from him or if things aren’t going my way I turn into a bitch and act upset with him. When really, reflecting on all the things he’s done for me, he has done a lot. I have been unappreciative towards him and I feel awful. I see now just how much he does care for me and how he is trying his best to balance his life and our relationship.
Like who would put up with me for this long if they didn’t care?? I’ve had an attitude and have complained about some really irrelevant stuff, and have blew things out of proportion and have made big deals out of small situations, and yet he has managed to stick around.
Bless his soul cause Lord knows I haven’t made it easy lol I am very thankful that he hasn’t given up on us even though there have been countless times where he easily could’ve.
It reassures me that he does care a lot for me, and that I am one of his priorities and that he respects and cherishes our relationship.
I'm torn between whether if I should stay or leave
On one hand, if I continue to stay, I can make the most of my time spent with you and enjoy your company. See where this relationship will take us, I may not be the one but I can be a potential good friend. I can continue to have my fun with you, enjoy doing the things we do together. But I have to realize that I will never change your mind, we will never go further than this. That being said I must also not feel any deeper for you than I already do. You’re young you can use the experience.
On the other hand, I can leave and get out now. You already know that this relationship has already gone full circle—there is no more progress to make. So why stay and keep going down a dead end? What more is there for you to do other than waste your time? You could be out, meeting new people, meeting someone who wants something more with you; someone who likes you without the “but..”.
No one cares which road you take. You pick a path, go down it, and live with the outcome. If it is positive, good for you, if it is negative oh well; you learn from it, cry a little, and move on. There are bigger problems in the world. And you know you’ll get over it you’ve done it before.
*Edit: The longer I stay here, the harder it is for me to leave. There are a lot of things he’s done wrong, and a lot of things he’s done right—and they’ve balanced each other out.
It seems to me at this point I am staying, and am in it for the long run.
(part of me feels like I’m staying to prove a point to myself)
My friend once told me
she liked this guy because of his hands
And I found it absurd that anyone
would develop feelings over one feature,
and not care about the rest
It wasn’t until you used your hands
to cup the back of my neck the first time we kissed
and I could feel your firm grasp pull me closer,
and my insides exploded
and my head buzzed with bliss.
And the first night you slept over,
you fell asleep with your hand
laid over my stomach
and your fingers felt like a fire
that I didn’t mind burning my skin.
The first time we got drunk,
was the first time you played with my hair,
and my god I was hooked,
I’d drink forever if it meant you’d never stop.
And in public you’d hold my hand,
and rub your thumb in little circles
that left me wanting you more,
no matter what you would never let me go,
I was glued to you,
and I honestly didn’t mind
When we talked about breaking up,
you saw my lips quiver with fear,
and you brushed over my lips with your fingers
before pulling me into your lap
and you kissed me like never before.
With your hands on my hips
pulling me so close to you,
leaving no space in between us.
It was then I realized I never wanted you to go
Its now that,
I finally understand why hands
were the only feature that mattered
if you’re going to leave, that’s fine.
and I know you promised you wouldn’t
seven months ago while I was crying
into your neck but I also know that
sometimes it rains even when it’s not
supposed to and sometimes boys
kiss girls they shouldn’t and we tear
flowers out of the ground just to watch
them die and things change,
so I understand if you’re done,
but please, when you’re packing all your
old sweaters and books, don’t forget
to take all your three AM phone calls,
and photographs where we’re smiling
so wide it looks like we’ve never known
that feeling in the pit of your stomach
when someone screams “I don’t love you
Take back every kiss, every night you
fell asleep next to me, every poem I
wrote you, every song you sang to
me, every “I love you more fight,”
every shock I felt in my skin when
you brushed against me.
I was never scared of ghosts until you
left but now I see you everywhere and
god if you’re going to kill me please
just do it quickly because I see you
in everything and it’s making it hard
to breathe”—I won’t say I miss you but I think my mother knows anyway (via extrasad)
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”—Ralph Waldo Emerson (via observando)